Chosen of God

Lucy. Today we are celebrating her very first birthday and I've been thinking a lot about just how special she is and how blessed we are to have her. I had always wanted 4 kids: 2 boys and 2 girls.. but after 3 ROUGH pregnancies I was ready to give up on that dream and hoped to never go through pregnancy again.

We should have been thrilled on July 28th, 2009 when we found out we were unexpectedly having a fourth baby.. but all we could think about was the long hard road in front of us. I started getting sick between 4 and 5 weeks and was so sick I could hardly take care of myself, never mind the 3 small kids I was responsible for. I lost more than 20% of my body weight very quickly and took three trips to the hospital for IV fluids. I felt like I was dying and sometimes wished that I was. No part of me was excited about having another baby.

Pregnancy was loooooong and miserable in so many ways. We decided the baby would be named Henry if a boy and Lucy if a girl.. but were still not totally on board with the idea of having 4 kids (in the span of 5 years). What will we drive? How will we provide? How will we give everyone enough attention? How will we get to school on time? How will we get ANYWHERE on time? Will we ever leave the house again??

April 7th, 2010 I woke up around 7am in labor. Pretty uneventful until she was born early that afternoon. From the very second we saw her we loved her immediately.. in a shocking, almost painful, overwhelming way. We named her Lucy Rae (Rae after my sister, who she looks just like, and Lucy because we liked it) and spent two days in the hospital starting at her and wondering how we could have ever not wanted her.

God had a plan all along with Lucy. Turns out the very meaning of her name is "Chosen of God". Of course I believe ALL children are chosen by God, but there is something overwhelming about that being the MEANING of her name, especially since we didn't CHOOSE her. We didn't even want another baby. But He gave us one anyway. He gave us her. And I feel overwhelmed with love every single time I think of her. I can't even count how many times over the past year that I've stood over her while she slept and cried as I thanked God over and over and over for her. She is literally a dream come true... even though I would have given up on the dream of 4 kids myself, God loved ME enough to see it through. He gave me a baby I didn't think I wanted. Even though I fought it all the way and was sooooo ungrateful... He let me have her anyway. His plan is infinitely better than my plan. She is a constant reminder of how much God loves me... He allowed all that sickness and all that struggle so we could get to here. So I could look back and say, without any hesitation, His plan is better. Always better. Even if the path is long and painful and miserable... the end result is so. much. better.

Lucy Rae, there aren't words meaningful enough for me to tell you how much I love you. I feel like the luckiest person in the whole wide world that I get to be your mom. I don't know why God chose me and you to be together, but I thank my lucky stars everyday that He did. You are just a little ball of sunshine and happiness and every day with you brings me so much joy. Happy Birthday Sushi! I love you so much.


"Who am I, O Sovereign Lord, and what is my family, that you have brought me this far?" (2 Sam. 7:18)